DEAD Soldier gets 1 cent Cheque from Canadian Government HELLWARS

Passport Application (Funny as hell)

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Subject: Passport application letter

Want a good laugh? Read this. Maybe all of us should write letters such as this one to our representatives.

Sure would jolt them out of their smugness.

You’ll have to overlook some of the language.

PASSPORT APPLICATION LETTER
THIS IS PRICELESS:

ACTUAL PASSPORT APPLICATION LETTER SENT BACK TO STATE DEPARTMENT


Dear Mrs. Ms. Or Sir:

I'm in the process of renewing my passport and still cannot believe this.

How is it that Radio Shack has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a cable TV from them in 1987 (23 years ago), and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? Ever heard of computers?

My birth date you have in my social security file. It's on EVERY income tax form I've filed for the past 30 years. It's on my Medicare health insurance card and my driver's license, it's on the last eight damn passports I've had, it's on every stupid customs declaration form I've had to fill out before being allowed off the plane for the last 30 years. And it's on all those census forms that we have to do at election times.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Maryanne, my father's name is Robert and I'm reasonably confident that neither name is likely to change between now and when I die.

Between you an' me, I've had enough of this bureaucratic bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for
my #*&#%*& address.

What is going on? You must have a gang of bureaucratic Neanderthal morons working there!

Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? And "No," I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my ass on a sandy beach. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a damn whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?

If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now because I have to go to the other end of the city and get another #*@&#^@*@& copy of my birth certificate to the tune of $100.

Would it be so difficult to have all the services in the same area so I could get a new passport the same day? Nooooo, that would require planning and organization. And it would be too logical for the @&^*^%@% government.

You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off. Then, we have to find some asshole to confirm that it's really me in the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile... Hey, you know why we can't smile?

We're totally pissed off!


Signed

- An Irate Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I wrote about getting someone to confirm that the picture is me? Well, my family has been in the United States of America since 1776. I have served in the military for something over 35 years and have had security clearances up the ying yang. However, I have to get someone important to verify who I am - you know, someone like my doctor....... WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN INDIA!

And you assholes want to run our health care system?????

Florida lifeguard fired for rescuing drowning man

6 hrs ago

Blow your whistle on this one: A Hallandale Beach, Fla., lifeguard has been fired for rushing to rescue a drowning man. Apparently the company that hired him to help patrol the beach objected to the fact that he left his appointed zone to participate in the rescue. "We have liability issues and can't go out of the protected area," his supervisor told the Sun Sentinel newspaper. "What he did was his own decision. He knew the company rules." Tomas Lopez, 21, said he doesn't regret rushing to save the struggling man, even if it cost him his job. "Someone needed my help. I wasn't going to say no," he said. A hero in red swim trunks, we say.

A drunk lady flirts with cop

Well this helps me feel better about myself when I get drunk! It has never been that drunk

Drunkest Lady Ever - watch more funny videos

Furry little (big) animals dancing

Dont you hate when furry little (big) animals can dance better than you!

These guys really can move! LOL

America's Best Fur Dance Crew - watch more funny videos

6 People Who Single Handedly Screwed Entire Economies

This article is missing a few, I couldnt find the rest of it, but just the ones here has totally missed the concept of life!

Remember to leave a silly comment and share this post if you have time

 

By: Robert Evans,  Sam Cooper

#3. William Paterson Ruins Scotland

Glasgow University Library

The man: A guy who wanted to seize one of the most valuable pieces of land on earth.
The Impact: Blew a fifth of all the money in Scotland, forced it to merge with England to form Great Britain.

Anyone with that large a wig is up to no good.

The tiny little strip of land that connects North and South America -- where the Panama Canal is today -- is one of the most strategically important bits of land in the world. That was true even before there was a canal -- just look at a map and you'll see that the two halves of the globe need to cross that little strip of land if they want to trade (and not sail all the freaking way around South America).

It's a bit of a time-saver, is what we're saying.

If you control that shit, you have the world by the balls. So a guy in Scotland named William Paterson said, hey, let's start a colony there and we'll rule this shit. That seemed like a great idea to Scotland, which was in the middle of an economic disaster and in general depressed because it had been 400 years since Braveheart happened.
Money poured in from investors from all levels of Scottish society, 400,000 pounds sterling total. If that doesn't sound like a lot, let's put it this way: it was a fifth of all the money in circulation in Scotland at the time. In terms of impact on the economy, it'd be like if an American investor rounded up $400 billion in one risky scheme, or the equivalent of 20 Bernie Madoffs.

"Surely this will prove a safe basket for all our eggs."

In July of 1698, the first expedition to the Isthmus of Panama, carrying Paterson, his wife and his child, set sail. Colonists arrived and promptly erected 50 cannons and a fort. Boom! We control world trade, baby! That was easy!
Then people started dying. A combination of the hot season and tropical disease devastated the colony, and shipwrecks and delays prevented backup supplies from showing up. The colonists finally bailed out -- Paterson himself was nearly dead from fever and had to be carried onto one of the fleeing ships.

Glasgow University Library
All of his finest wigs perished in the voyage.

Scotland, not knowing that everything had gone to shit, sent another expedition of 1,200 people and four ships. Upon arrival, they found much to their surprise that a) the previous colony had gotten the fuck out of there and b) Spain had found out about their little scheme and sent a bunch of warships to put a stop to it.
And with that, Scotland realized that Paterson's plan had flushed a fifth of their wealth down the toilet. A few years later, Scotland would wind up signing the Acts of Union with England, based partly on England's promise to give them money to make up for what they lost on Paterson's scheme. The two united to form Great Britain and somewhere, William Wallace was spinning in his grave.

"All of that money would have been better invested in killing more British people."

#2. A Single Snitch Kills the Flow of LSD

Getty

The Man: A chemist who was making virtually all of the world's LSD. In a nuclear missile silo. Until he got caught.
The Impact: About 90 percent of the world's acid supply vanished overnight.

Getty
The impact on Phish ticket sales was disastrous.

Methamphetamine is so easy to make, rednecks in trailers are able to produce thousands of pounds per year with only a few dozen deadly explosions. The production of LSD is much more involved. It requires expensive lab equipment, a deep understanding of chemistry and precursor chemicals you can't find in your garage. At any given time, only a couple of people in the entire world are capable of actually producing acid.
From 1991 to 2000, almost all of the world's LSD was made by a respected chemist named William Pickard. He was the former deputy director of the L.A. Drug Policy Research Program and a former research director at UC Berkeley. Pickard viewed acid as a religious sacrament, and offered prayers before cooking up every batch. Since that cooking process often involved inadvertently dosing himself with hundreds of hits of high-test LSD, Pickard had a definite interest in ensuring its quality.

You try doing highly advanced chemistry under the influence of five hundred hits of shitty acid.

Pickard then partnered up with a wealthy pot dealer named Gordon Skinner. Skinner used his money to purchase an old Atlas-E nuclear missile silo. He turned it into the perfect post-apocalyptic luxury pad, complete with an $80,000 sound system and marble hot tub.
His goal was to establish a sort of hippy utopia, dedicated to manufacturing mass quantities of LSD and being a sweet ass place to crash after Burning Man. Pickard was drawn by the opportunity for a secure cooking spot and Skinner's promise to donate several hundred thousand dollars toward clinical research on psychedelics at Harvard.

Finding college age volunteers for an acid study would take about four minutes of standing on the quad with a clipboard.

But, before production could start, Skinner ran out of money. He was arrested in a casino, after he attempted to pass himself off as an Interpol agent. It's worth noting that Skinner was on a winning streak at the time. He basically committed a two-count felony for the sheer sake of being balls out crazy.

Getty
"Put it all on 'impersonating a federal officer.'"

Pickard realized Skinner was crazy and made the decision to move his operation out of the silo. But Skinner had sold out pretty much as soon as he was cuffed, and the Man was hot on Pickard's trail. As he drove away with all his lab equipment and enough ergotamine tartrate to make 15 million hits of acid, William Pickard was pulled over by the highway patrol and arrested for holding an entire Summer of Love worth of hallucinogens. He got a life sentence, and the government estimates that taking him off the street slashed the worldwide supply of LSD by 90 percent.
As for Gordon Skinner, the man who ruined a million parties? He got off scot-free. Although he had to sell the silo.

Damn the man.

#1. Augustus Heinze Crashes the American Economy

Getty

The Man: Just a guy who owned some copper mines in Montana, who had a get rich quick scheme.
The Impact: The stock market plummeted 50 percent and nearly collapsed the U.S. economy.

Above: Not the ketchup guy.

Every so often, a person comes along who is so talented at what he does that anything else he tries seems like a miserable failure. That's true for Michael Jordan's baseball career, and it was true for Augustus Heinze's career as a banker. He'd made his fortune as a copper baron in Butte, Montana, but, in 1906, Heinze decided to try his hand at making some real money. New York money.
For a while, Augustus did well. He served on bank boards all across the country and quickly ingratiated himself with the financial "scene" of the day. But then he and his brother Otto came up with a plan. A stupid, stupid plan.

Getty
New York is a city built on stupid plans.

Remember what we said about short selling in the earlier entry? Well, people were shorting stock in this guy's copper company, and Augustus and Otto figured, well shit, there's an easy way to fix that. We'll just buy up all the shares ourselves. Remember that short selling involves a promise to buy later, so the brothers figured, if we hold all the stock, they'll be forced to buy it from us. We can gouge the shit out of them and we'll be rich! Hell, why didn't anybody else think of this?
It worked. For a day. Shares of United Copper started at $39, and by the next day had shot way up to $60.

Getty
It was a good time to be copper.

But they had miscounted now many shares were out there, somehow, and the short sellers had no problem buying elsewhere. Everyone figured out what the Heinzes were doing and started dumping the stock. The price collapsed 85 percent, down to $10 a share. Heinze's brokerage house immediately went bankrupt, and that wound up being to the collapse of 1907 what Lehman Brothers was to the collapse of 2008.
The resulting chain reaction of disaster would be called the Panic of 1907, and the New York Stock Exchange plummeted to 50 percent of what it had been the previous year (basically, imagine if today the stock market fell by 6,000 points). Banks and businesses across the country started going belly-up by the dozen.

And that was the last time one man's greed ever crashed the economy.

Thanks in part to Augustus, the government saw fit to create the Federal Reserve in an effort to keep this sort of thing from happening in the future. Which, depending on how much Ayn Rand you've read, is either the savior of our economy or Satan himself.
For more ways we keep boning everything up for ourselves, check out 6 Natural Disasters That Were Caused by Human Stupidity and 6 Man-Made Natural Disasters Just Waiting to Happen.
And stop by LinkSTORM to discover which one of you screwed the Internet up for all of us.
And don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed.
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Read more: 6 People Who Single Handedly Screwed Entire Economies | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_19357_6-people-who-single-handedly-screwed-entire-economies_p2.html#ixzz1ytzoSFO9

Facebook changed the email address on your profile, here's how to fix it

Oh Man! Face book has done it again,lol! They changed up once more without notice! Thats what we get with free stuff. We just have to go along for the ride until another free ride comes along right?!

Remember to leave a silly comment and share this post if you have time!

Duane Hoffman / msnbc.com

You may have heard (or read) that Facebook just changed your email address without even asking you — and in a way it did — but the whole thing's not quite as scary or dramatic as it might sound. And you can easily fix things with a few clicks.
Kashmir Hill of Forbes' Not-So Private Parts blog was among the first to report on the change. She labeled the whole thing as "Facebook's lame attempt to force its email service on you."
This all sounds scary! What happened?
You see, what happened is that the email address — or in some cases, addresses — displayed on your Facebook profile was changed from whatever it was to your Facebook email address. (Your Facebook email address consists of whatever is at the end of your Facebook URL slapped in front of @facebook.com. For example: My Facebook URL is http://facebook.com/rosa, so my Facebook email address is rosa@facebook.com.)
For most people, this is pretty darn annoying as all the mail they receive at the Facebook email address winds up in their regular Facebook inbox. Based on a quick survey of friends and colleagues, it seems that this is inconvenient to a majority, as they prefer to receive their email in ... you know, their actual email inboxes.
Now that you understand the somewhat bad news better, here are two good pieces of news: Facebook didn't alter the default address on your account, meaning that the social network's whacky system only altered what is visible on your profile. And you can change your profile back to normal pretty easily.
Whew! So how do I fix this?
All you have to do is open up your profile page (hit the "About" button under your personal info), scroll down to the "Contact Info" box, and hit the "Edit" button. There you can toggle who can see which email address and whether it is displayed on your Timeline or not.
If you're not a fan of receiving your email in your Facebook inbox, I suggest hiding that address and simply making the one you favor visible.
Why did this all happen?
We reached out to Facebook in an attempt to figure out what happened and why the email addresses on people's profiles were suddenly changed. A spokesperson for the social network offered the following response:

As we announced back in April, we’ve been updating addresses on Facebook to make them consistent across our site.
In addition to everyone receiving an address, we’re also rolling out a new setting that gives people the choice to decide which addresses they want to show on their timelines.
Ever since the launch of timeline, people have had the ability to control what posts they want to show or hide on their own timelines, and today we’re extending that to other information they post, starting with the Facebook address.

The spokesperson did not explain why users did not receive any sort of notice when their profiles started displaying a different email address, even though we made sure to ask about that.